Before "7"GALLERY

The Early Days, Before AIDS

Tandy has told of his early years before I met him in his book "Seven." I came into his life and family in chapter 5.

I first met Tandy through a men's group in San Francisco in 1977. He was the guy who contributed the most interesting perspective in the group, but I timidly sat across the room for months, never next to him. When the group decided to have an Easter brunch though, I sidled over near him and before I could ask, he asked me if I wanted to go together. There was a strong connection right away. We'd both been doing various personal development programs and had some common language about relationships, responsibility, and communication. He was a graphic artist and his business at the time, '"Our Town" was busy creating quality design images and logos for the many, many emerging gay groups, some of which were mobilized by Anita Bryant's efforts to ban gay people from society. Her efforts had certainly energized Tandy. I was doing social service, fund raising, and community organizing in Berkeley at the time. I'd just completed an alcohol treatment program, where I discovered the alcohol was a cover up my workaholism. We were both available, and at the right time and place in our lives.

Almost a year later, I moved from Berkeley into Tandy's old apartment while he moved into an apartment just up the street with some long time friends of his. After a year, he move back in, and we enjoyed the sweet 1 bedroom apartment near Haight and Divisadero, walking distance from the Castro district and the park. It was a magical time. Tandy was a founding member of the Gay Band, and I joined soon after. We were "darlings" of the band, and the excitement in those years of building a new Gay Culture were incredible. The first emergence of the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Band in the 1978 Gay Parade was a special highlight.

We became close friends of Jon Sims, and Jon gave me, yes gave, his own French Horn, and taught me a lot. I got to first chair, and joined a woodwind quintet that met weekly on the night Tandy went bowling. Tandy, with his Baritone Horn, and I were in several brass quintets and chamber groups.

Jon continued to have creative ideas for concert themes, and brought the band to a very high level of professionalism. Outside band activities, Tandy and Jon would work on quilt designs, and Jon designed his outfits for marching, and for slumming <smile> as well as hats. Someone gave him a portrait for his birthday where he looked like Micky Mouse in Disney's film The Sorcerer's Apprentice.

Tandy met Gary Wagner at the City Athletic Club where Gary was on staff. Tandy had designed the logo, so we were loyal to that gym. We found out he didn't have a place to stay, and invited him to move in. We grew closer and closer, and over the next five years became a menage et trois. Gary never got an AIDS test since several former boyfriends were HIV positive.

We went to Yosemite together. I got pink-eye. Tandy had a severe allergic reaction to a new medication, and the clinic in the park was not able to help. Gary was a trooper, having two of us sickies to deal with. It was also the weekend that Tandy discovered he had E.D. In retrospect, it was a turning point. After this, Tandy got Candida in his mouth, and from then on one symptom came after another, although none of them life-threatening.

 

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